Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dumbest. Game. Ever.


Stuff like this makes you question, on a fundamental level, if anyone else is actually having sex. I mean honestly, if you have to resort to this sort of nonsense -- with three other sexy young singles! -- to make it happen, it's probably just not going to happen.

I wish I could be in the room the first time some dude actually surprises his girlfriend with this. "I've got something I think you're going to like," he says, wiggling his eyebrows. He pulls out the game. "Now," he says, "let's put this Wiimote down your pants." PROBABLY THAT WILL END WELL, AM I RGHT LADIES.

As this old Seanbaby article reminds us, sexy video games have always been, well, completely terrible. Likely the only game anyone actually found sexy was Rez, for which you could get a little vibrating doohickey. As you played the game, it vibrated. There weren't any retarded apple-eating contests where you had to pretend to get off on rubbing your face against a sweaty controller, and the game itself didn't even acknowledge what you were up to. Have to imagine it felt like you were getting away with something -- which is all for the best, because there is probably nothing less exciting than Nintendo-endorsed sex.

1 comment:

  1. There will probably not be a sex game good enough to play until it's too good to advertise in connection with a family-friendly video game system.