8.35 Million United States Dollars!

I realize it's sort of banal to write about the accidental poetry of spam but I can hardly resist typing about one I received a few weeks back. Aslin Roger of the "Royal bank of Scotland" wrote:

I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate of a deceased client with similar last name and an investment placed under our banks management.

How sizable was this investment? 8.35 million United States dollars!

This spam makes me melancholy because I wish I lived in a cartoon world in which it was feasible that Aslin Roger of the Royal bank of Scotland would write to me regarding orphaned bank accounts, even if they were in the amount of $5. Even if they were in the amount of -$5.

Of course, the 8.35 mill would be even nicer. I'd swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. I'd actually swim in a lot of things. If I were at home now I'd take some photos and illustrate this post with images of me swimming in old issues of literary journals, or library books, or unused cat litter, or old drafts of stories, or jars of spices, or . . .

I also wish people named Aslin would contact me. Aslin! What a name!

Aslin!

Maybe I'll start writing under the name Aslin. I've certainly considered lots of false names but was turned off to pen names during my time working on lit journals, when the most ludicrous and purple bylines came swimming in atop overwrought poetry and fiction.

I've also considered changing my name entirely. Neither my fiancee nor I love our names but we can't decide on a new one we both love. The closest we've come is this: Roboto.

Other strong options: Flightdeckduo. Noodles. Bonecracker. Tremens.

Amber Sparks was kind enough to include me in her Ancient City project at Necessary Fiction, and you can see my contribution here. The other entries are wonderful and they all take unique angles of approach to the shared subject matter. Gabriel Blackwell wrote earlier about the project, and will contribute to it, and Roxane Gay contributed something a few days ago.