"Buds" by Stephen Kempster Whelpdale Thomas

At The Incongruous Quarterly:

Ted and some of his good friends (his real friends) were hanging out saying “My life is so good, my life is perfect” and all that, like “My life is perfect” and Slavona was like “My life is perfect,” and here comes William who’s like “My life is perfect” and everyone was like for real tell us about it and he’s like I look good smell good etc but here comes Mohammed who’s like “Let’s think about some bad thoughts” and the others were like not today that’s not what we’re into just now and so Mohammed just kinda hesitates a moment and just then Sophie rode by on her bike looking like she was talking to herself, her mouth was moving like that, and everyone all watched for a second and Mohammed was like I think we should talk about bad, depressing stuff. The others were like “Kind of can’t believe you’re still here, we’re not interested in your mode.”

Go read it.